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The Girl Code: To Respect Yourself is to Respect Your Sis

This week there's been so much talk about girl code. More pointedly, what’s appropriate when dealing with a female associate and her man? Unless you've been on a social media pause this week, you know exactly where I'm going with this one. I’ve been a fan of The Real Housewives of Atlanta since the beginning, and like everyone else I have my favorites on the show. One of the ladies I’ve enjoyed watching grow over the years is Porsha Williams. I won’t say she is my favorite, but I definitely dig her growth. The woman went from being broken from a public divorce, to building businesses and creating her own lane in media. This latest news about her though, has me side-eyeing the good sis's choices. I’m aware that we only know the snippets of life that are shared with us, and that is not who these ladies are in totality. However, I’m all about self-love and women supporting women, so I have to call out the bull as I see it. In case you haven’t heard, Porsha Williams came out and announced her engagement to her female associate's husband. And honey, it's the nerve of it all for me.

One of the show's newcomers is Falynn Guobadia, who was introduced to us by nonother than Porsha herself. Falynn's soon to be ex-husband, Simon, is now engaged to Porsha. I won't even go into the timeframes involved because that's a whole scandal in itself. The situation brings up the topic, does girl code apply anymore in this new normal society we live in? And more importantly, what do our actions toward other women say about our feelings toward self. Let me set the scene. During the season, Porsha and her other buddy, Tanya, visited Falynn’s home. They took a dip in her luxurious pool and smoked scented hookah as she properly hosted them. Sounds like a budding friendship, right? I don't know about y'all, but the way my circle is set up, if you come to my home and have drinks, I consider you a friend. Not just any old body is coming through my doors, but that's just me. According to Porsha, this woman isn’t her friend; however, she clearly ate fine cheeses from Falynn's charcuterie board a time or two. And we've all seen the pictures of the two of them shoulder to shoulder hanging out like good girlfriends do. But for the sake of semantics, we'll oblige her story and say Falynn is not her real "friend", but instead just a cool female associate.

Now, maybe I'm old school in my logic, but where I come from you don't lay it low with your associate's man. Not saying I haven't seen it happen, just saying it's a violation to another woman, and simply unacceptable. In my mind, "Girl Code" should have one blanketed rule: Respect other women the way you'd want them to respect you. That said, a woman should never be willing to capitalize off the pain of another, specifically one who she's hung out with on numerous occasions. It speaks a great deal about how we feel about ourselves when we are willing to step on another for our own come up. Some people feel their worth is monetarily based; they view themselves as a product. And chile we all know products are replaceable. I think of it this way. If a man purchases the Hashitashi 2000 because he loves gadgets (shout out to all the Martin lovers), when the new and improved big screen hits the market, he's getting rid of the old model and copping the latest and greatest.

To know my passion, is to know that I LOVE love. I'm usually rooting for any woman who is happily in love. But, this ain't that. This whole situation vexed my spirit. Even more disheartening were the comments in support saying "Get your bag, Sis" , which I hope were coming from the younger generation who hasn't had enough life experience to know better. I don't want to get too preachy, but we have to set better examples, ladies. These babies need to know that happiness is not rooted in a man's pockets. Pockets matter, don't get me wrong. I mean every grown woman wants her man to provide. I'm simply saying there's so much more to it than that. Getting money is the easy part, but what is that treatment looking like though? Does he value you more than he does his things? From an auntie's perspective ('cause yes, I'm an auntie—proudly), we must have standards and boundaries. There has to be a line drawn while on a quest to secure the bag. I would hope that includes, not getting into a relationship with an acquaintance's man. Wrong is wrong, y'all. And not caring about the next woman's feelings is dead ass wrong, period. As we know, when you do something shady, cousin Karma will find you soon enough.

All jokes aside, I believe when you love and value yourself, you tend to have that same compassion for other women. The Girl Code is just a reflection of the Self Code. If you mistreat your girlfriends (associates/acquaintances/ladies-who-you-know), you are more than likely guilty of mistreating yourself as well. Until next time, beauties. Take care of yourselves and each other.

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