Yes to the flowers blooming, ladies! Spring is in full mode, and growth is happening whether we're ready for it or not. This is the time of year for transition. We clean out closets, sweep behind that refrigerator, and load up old clothing to donate to Goodwill. We do all the things needed to usher in the upcoming summer months. Enough about the formalities, though. What do these changes look like in our personal lives? If you grew up anything like me, the elders have always said life is about living and learning; about experience and continued growth. Well, at least that's my spin on it. They simply said, "Baby just keep on livin'", and if you were inquisitive, you wondered what ginormous experience they were warning you about. The fact of life is that change is constant. Inevitable. It's going to happen no matter what we do. There might not be one big kaboom, but instead an array of challenges peppered throughout our lives. And I’ve been around the sun enough times to know that major transitions sometime hit us out of nowhere. For certain, in the words belted by Sam Cook at the winding down of every black event , a change is gonna come.
And since we're in the midst of spring—the season of growth—there's no better time to discuss dealing with life's transitions. So, how do we deal with the stress and anxiety that coincide change? Though, we may welcome new stages of life and look forward to them, anxiety and fear of the unknown overwhelms us. Take me for instance, I'm preparing for this new stage of life called empty-nesting. I can imagine some of your faces as you read that. Like, YES GIRL! You raised your babies and now you get to live your best life!
The truth is, I've been a parent—straight helicopter style—for over 21 years now. So, it's difficult to imagine a life where my mini's aren't upstairs waiting to be called down for breakfast. Don't get me wrong, the hubby and I have plans of spontaneous travel, streaking through the house at will, and enjoying one another by all means. But seriously, this is a life transition that I've had to mentally prepare myself for, because the way my attachment style is set up . . . Honeeeyyy! Just know it will be a struggle. Though this transition is one with a positive undertone, I've had enough gut-wrenching challenges to prepare me for the minor stuff. Unless you are new to the blog, you know a few things about my past experiences from previous posts.
So what about you? How's the season of change affecting your life? If you’ve been working your 12-month plan of tackling goals, this is the first quarter to do a self-check and see what adjustments need to be made. Maybe you need to revamp the plan altogether. And that, my beauty, is absolutely fine. Perhaps you are transitioning from single to boo'd up, and you now have to consider another human's feelings as you maneuver through your days. Or vice versa, you might be leaving a relationship and now you're faced with getting to know the newly single you. Then, there's the issue of grief as many of us have lost loved ones in this climate of Covid-19, underscored by the traumas of police brutality in our country. The scenarios are endless. Whatever the change is for you, scrambling to imagine the unforeseen future is exactly what anxiety could look like. That in mind, I wanted to list a few ways I've learned to make change a bit less challenging.
Acceptance: Once you know the change is happening, the first thing to do is accept it and let go of the denial. This means you must step outside of your state of shock, take a deep breath and accept that the transition is present. There's no way to circumvent it. It's like when your most vocal homegirl shouts, "It is what it is", and you get annoyed, yet you realize she's spot on.
Allowance: Now that you've accepted your new normal, it's time to allow yourself to feel all the feels. Get down deep in there and face the emotional change. Don't let anyone tell you how you should feel. Cry it out, talk it out, laugh it out, or punch the air if that's what you need. I journal it out and cry at the same time. Hey, it works for me. Do what works for you. Whatever it takes to expel that emotion, go for it. Just make sure it is a healthy release . . . and legal, chile 'cause I don't want to see anybody on my local news station for "releasing" in the wrong ways.
Redirection: The initial cries are out, and now the real action begins. It's time to redirect your focus. Use your transition as a stepping stone to create your new life. For instance, the time you spent on that person/idea/event will need to be filled with something new. This means you'll have to step outside of your box. Join that hot yoga class you've been shying away from because of fear. Start that online boutique you've imagined for years now. Go back to school and cop that degree you always wanted. Take small steps to restructure your life.
Plan: Now that you are focused, and know what you want to do, it's time to make a plan. I mean literally write out what your next steps will be. It may sound cliché, but I'm here to tell you, you are more likely to stick to a plan when you actually write it out. Like my girl Erykah Badu tweeted, “Write it down on real paper with a real pencil. And watch shit get real.” Facts on facts on facts! I am a living witness that it works. Everything I've ever wanted and prayed for, I also wrote down, and God sprinkled manifestation all over it. It's a real thing, y'all.
I have no doubt that you all will go forth and evolve through the transitions in your life. Just remember to help the next person once you come out on the other side. Until next time, stay beautiful inside and out, ladies. Daily self-care and positive vibes to all!