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4 Self-love Languages: S.P.A.S.

The topic of love language comes up every time my husband and I are hanging out and choppin' it up with other couples. It’s one of those things where if you’re in a close-knit relationship, you’ve realized the importance of knowing what your partner's love language is. When Gary Chapman wrote The 5 Love Languages, he really did that thang! We were gifted the book by our videographer before we made the big leap almost ten years ago, and it is one of the best relationship guides I’ve read yet. I was thinking, though. If there are languages regarding how we interact with our lovers, there has to be an introspective language for us as individuals too. I mulled it over for a while and here’s what I believe to be true. We all engage in self-talk, right? Even if it’s in our heads, there is a voice guiding us through our day. Or, if you’re extra weird like me, you talk out loud to yourself from time to time. Don’t worry, y’all. I have every ounce of good sense I’m supposed to have. My mother used to always tell me, "as long as you don’t answer yourself, chile, then I guess you're all right".

Regardless of how we conduct our self-talk, it guides our thoughts of who we are, and what we are capable of doing. There is a particular language each of us needs in order to stay positive and keep fighting the good fight we know as life. Let me elaborate on this real quick. So, take myself for instance. When I find myself having a pity party, my self-love language turns militant. That's what I need at the time, and it works for me. I’m in the mirror like, “Get yourself together, girl! You got things to do, and ain’t no time for feeling sorry for yourself!” However, on the flip side, when I’m feeling overwhelmed, I have to calm the voice in my head, and sooth my way back to logic by taking deep breaths, and secluding myself for a minute. Sounds super simple, right? Wrong. My anxiety makes it difficult to not overthink when I’m tackling goals. Then, I risk talking myself out of doing what I need to do. I'm sure many can relate.

So, just as Mr. Chapman created the five love languages for our love lives, I’ve come up with four self-love languages that have helped me, and hopefully will benefit you as well. Same as always, this is for you go-getter ladies who have a vision of living a peaceful, fulfilling life, and breaking generational curses—more commonly known as “that’s the way my grandma did it”. While our ancestors are the most resilient beings to have ever existed, evolution is inevitable. They prayed and stayed put through mental anguish; often suffering in silence. We tend to pray and push through, creating opportunities to make a better way for our legacies. Now, lets get these self-love languages together and start speaking growth into our lives, shall we?

  • Speak Gracefully: This is soooo important. When I say speak gracefully, I mean have that special compassion we often lack for ourselves. So, let’s say you didn’t reach a goal you set. Or, you cursed someone out when you've been working on controlling your anger. Maybe you even made a late-night call to that bummy ninja who you KNOW ain’t no good for you, and now you feel low for letting him in. It all happens, Sis. Allow yourself some gracesome mercy! Learn from the hiccup and keep moving. One step at a time, you can correct all things. We are so hard on ourselves that our self-talk becomes abusive, and that, my love, has to cease.

  • Provide Comfort: Offer yourself a little comfort. It's great to be consoled by someone else, but there’s nothing better than learning to comfort yourself, by yourself. Run a hot bath, get a pedicure, schedule a massage, or pour a hot cup of mint tea (with a splash of Jack Daniels Tennessee Honey if you ‘bout it), and binge watch your shows of choice—all day, phone off, blanket on. Take it from me, you will fall deeper in love with yourself when you understand that no one can love you like you.

  • Allow Yourself Some Solitude: This may be a tough one for my extroverted, love-a-crowd types. But, hear me when I say, silence is golden. Be alone and get to know you sometimes. Pray or meditate. When you silence all the noise around you, you’re left with your thoughts. And that can be scary, especially since this is when things we don’t like about ourselves tend to surface. They are loud, screaming past pains and experiences that we want to forget, which is why we need to hear them and face them. You can’t change something if you don’t come face to face with it. Am I right, or am I correct?!

  • Surround Yourself with Motivation: Not everyone is motivated in the same ways; however, only you know what gets you going. This last self-love language is all about that. Find what gets you hyped to keep going, and surround yourself with it. If you are the type who needs to be affirmed, get those Post-it notes ready, and stick them where you can see them daily. Some of mine say: You are more than enough, girl! Trust yourself! Live your truth for you! And yes, they absolutely end in exclamations. As you can see from my affirmations, I second guess myself and need a loud dose of self-reassurance. You might be motivated by inspirational speakers, for instance. And if so, save the best ones you’ve heard on your YouTube account, and listen to them as often as needed. Just make sure whatever your form of motivation is, it is loud and in your face, not to be overlooked—ever!!

S.P.A.S. is the name of the game. And I challenge you to practice positive self-love languages daily. Remember, it takes work to be at your best. When you feel good, you'll look good, and most importantly, you'll eliminate the things that mean you no good. Ohhhkayyy! Keep pushing, beauties. Your best is yet to be seen. 'Til next time, peace, love, and light.

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